Mum Shaming and Change-Making: Our CEO on her first Mother’s Day as a new mum
This is my first Mother’s Day as a mum, or ‘mam’ as you Geordies like to say up here! It’s been an intense 10 months of absolute joy, exhaustion and anxiety all rolled into one.
One thing I wasn’t expecting to learn about during this time was ‘mum shaming,’ for those of you who haven’t heard of this, it’s where people are cruel to mums based on the decisions they make when caring for their child. For example…
-using single-use nappies
-not breastfeeding
-co-sharing beds
-not making homegrown, organic purees
-not keeping the house tidy
-keeping the house too tidy
Obviously, this is ridiculous. I think we can all agree that the vast majority of mums are trying their best and will make the right decisions for themselves and for their families. You can, however, imagine the awful impact this kind of negative judgment can have on a new mum and her family.
This got me thinking… what is the intention of these ‘shamers’, and do we see this elsewhere in life?
The answer is, sadly, yes.
We see it when people take the bold step to make changes in their lives to be more conscientious…
“Well, I see you’ve got the bamboo lunchbox Karen, but I bet your shampoo still comes in a plastic bottle!”
But surely, it’s better that we all try our best and don’t quite hit ‘perfection’, rather than waiting until we have all the answers to even start? A happy mother and baby who co-sleep are surely better than an exhausted mum and an upset baby? There is so much to keep track of and to ‘get right’ that sometimes we have to pick our battles.
As a new mum, my plan was to use reusable nappies and breastfeed. These things just didn’t work out for me. I had to accept that at that moment, it just wasn’t possible to strive for perfection. Instead, we did what we could and are now exploring different ways to be more conscientious in this new chapter. For example, when having to buy ready-made baby food I’m getting the jars so it can be recycled, but where possible I’m making and freezing as much as I can.
I think the attitude of the shamers says more about them than it does about the person trying. If you’ve just set out to make changes in your life, please don’t let these kinds of shamers stop you!
We need a lot of people doing their little bit, not a few people getting it perfect!
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